First? You get paralyzed and do nothing.
Example A: This blog. It still ain’t right. But I got rid of “example page” so that’s something. Right? In the meantime I’ve had all these first time experiences and thoughts that I’ve wanted to share, but how with an imperfect blog site?? Did I mention earlier that currently, if something offers resistance, I’m likely to walk away from it? Well. I did. But then I got some energy and wrestled a bit and got to here. Still not sure how to make it POP, but I’m about to be spending the week with tech geniuses so keep coming back and you might see something worth your while.
On may way. Yep. Currently sitting at the Newark Airport waiting for boarding. I’ve got my Starbucks (happy dance) and finally have wi-fi. And as I was sitting here I had a feeling/made an observation that is part of grieving. This is my first trip without Barry. Oh sure, I’ve traveled tons without him! But he’s not there to get my random texts about every little thing – struggles with wifi, the line at Starbucks, the cool thing I saw, the weird thing I smelled. And as I’ve thought about it these past few weeks, there’s just not anybody who’s going to fill that gap. I’m alone in this. Cue the tears.
A year ago. It was a year ago (1/28) that Barry came home with his diagnosis of PIF. It was the next day (1/29) that we got on a plane together to fly to ECO’s National Gathering in Dallas. That was significant. I’m not sure we made it through any worship service dry eyed as every song seemed to speak into our new situation and need for total dependence on God and reminded us of how trustworthy He is. Today (1/29) I’m boarding the plane alone and can’t even tell him I’m doing so. I know that when I get to the west coast (this year we’re in Newport Beach, CA) there will be reunions and hugs and I’m prepared to be a sobbing mess the first few days. But I’m also looking forward to being embraced by those who have grieved with me from afar. It will be messy, but good.
Kirstyn and I have discussed getting t-shirts made that say something like: “Please be unkind. Grieving in process and if you are nice, I will cry.” What do you think? It’s true!
I’m grateful this morning for my friend, Sylvia who set her alarm for 5:30 so she could call me while I was driving (I left my house at 4:15 a.m.). I’m grateful for my church team who is taking on this morning like pros. I can’t wait to watch the sermon tonight as Ed was going to have some fun with the Genesis 29:31-30:24. Something about raiding his granddaughters baby doll collection and involving four women from the congregation. I’ve gotta see it. I’m grateful that I will get to have dinner with my cousin Dick and his family on my way from LAX to my hotel.
So welcome back to my blog. Thanks to those of you who have said you’ve been checking. That motivated me not to hang the whole thing up. Here’s to what comes next!