Well, drats. On Thursday I had a lumpectomy to remove a very small “invasive ductal carcinoma” tumor and a couple of lymph nodes. The wonderful Dr. Z called me on Saturday with the pathology reports. The things he extracted were free of any other cancer cells. Yippy!!! One and done!!!

BUT . . .

Apparently there are “noninvasive” cancer cells in my milk ducts. He would like to investigate further and treat them. He used words like “possible mastectomy” and “possible chemotherapy”. Don’t like those words. But the next step is an MRI so that he can get a better picture of what is happening and then we will pow wow and figure out what we are going to do. He’s currently thinking another surgery in mid-January. (He briefly mentioned this Friday! Umm, not in my line of business!!!!)

So I was journaling about this and what poured out of my pen was gratitude. I have to say – can’t help myself from saying – I trust God! I believe He knows my body and what is happening. I trust that He has a plan to use me as He desires. I am happy to trust Him! I know that my joy and peace come when I surrender my will to His! I’m waving my white flag! Not in desperation, but in excitement! I don’t know what He’s up to, but He is good, His plans are perfect, so bring it! And I’m crying tears of joy because I’m not sure what else to do?!

I can’t quite articulate it yet, but somehow this is making me think about the wonder of the incarnation we celebrate this season. God becoming one of us and taking on our pain and burdens; feeling our emotions and our stubbed toes. God knows us, knows me, because He went to the trouble of coming to us, or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message in John 1:14 “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.” For me, and whatever ails me, God did that. How can I not be grateful?

So here we go on another adventure. I’m ready. I’ll go wherever He leads and know that He is with me to comfort, guide, direct and companion me on the journey. I am never alone.

Speaking of alone! I sent my dog to the “spa” because I ought not to be handling the huge amount of energy she is while keeping stitches in my armpit! But I miss her. The cats don’t. They are starting to think they own the place and are becoming just as much a pests and generators of destruction as Tully. My kids are coming home for Christmas and it will be good to be together for a solid 4 days or so. It will be a change of rhythm in this house that I’m still figuring out how to be at home in.

I’ll say Merry Christmas now in case I don’t post again!