I realized (again) this morning that I’m not alone in my grief. Other people are currently grieving Barry too. Kirstyn, Wes, the Wyalusing Pres congregation, the community. We’re in this together and yet we are alone. We all grieve differently.

We all comfort differently too. I’m coming to believe that we comfort others in the way we want to be comforted and that doesn’t always fit. I’m a rebel. I admit it. And sometimes I am approached by a sincere, loving, person who offers words that put me on the defensive (and when I’m on the defensive all sorts of crazy words – untrue and true – can come out of my mouth!) so I bite my tongue, smile and thank them for their kind words.

But I think we have an expectation that what we need is what the other person needs and I don’t think that’s quite right. I don’t really know what the other person needs when they are grieving. Their experience is unique from mine. I think the call is to be present and open and just be “with” the person whose heart is breaking. We are so tempted to want to “fix”.

So my goal is to be open. Open to the grief of others, whether it is over Barry or other losses. Open to different paces. Open to the kindness and words that are offered to me. Open to my own feelings. Open to where this journey of grief leads and to the traveling companions it joins me with.

To all who are grieving today. I’m with you. Just sitting here in it with you. Trying hard not to project. If you can articulate what you need and I can meet that need, I will. Peace.